my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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