it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
