Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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