You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
