Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
