look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
