When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
