OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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