You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to make out with him forever
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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