I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
