I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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