Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
