are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
