Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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