I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
