i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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