mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize