I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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