if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
