OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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