I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Can i not drive my cunt home
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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