I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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