And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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