Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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