Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
