the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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