Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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