your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
