I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
