We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
