Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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