i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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