There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
