Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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