I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
