you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
