I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
