Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
