I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
