wrigley field is MILF paradise
id be glad to
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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