Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
