Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
