yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
