His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
