Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
