My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize