Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
