Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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