Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your topless pictures make me question reality
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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