Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
