You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
