Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
