If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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