Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this just has baby written all over it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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