It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
