The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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