i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
