think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
