all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
