the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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