3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
