The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
