my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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