Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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