i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
