shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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