i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
