I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
