I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
