Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
