I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
