remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
