Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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