You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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