I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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