apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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